Those words are sure to make you cringe as you run in the opposite direction of the proverbial salesperson and whatever they’re hawking today. “Only $9.99!” they shout, following you through the store as they plead for just a minute of your time. A polite “No thank-you” gets you nowhere with this character, who seems genuinely puzzled by your lack of interest in his product.

Sound familiar?

We’ve all encountered this type of “sales-y” approach to sales – whether you’ve been assaulted by perfume sprayers in department stores, or bombarded by furniture salesmen competing for your commission when all you wanted was a closer look at that couch in the window. Essentially, it’s this kind of in-your-face approach that gives the sales industry a bad rap, and most salespeople I know abhor these tactics, too. But the very nature of business demands revenue generated by sales, so marketing your products and services is necessary to survive, particularly in today’s tough economy.

It’s a Catch 22 of sorts – you need to make the sale, but you don’t want to be “sales-y” about it. So what’s a salesperson to do? How do you communicate with customers if you can’t give them your typical sales pitch? Those of you who have been reading along with me from the beginning know what I’m about to say next. The answer is to drop the spiel and get real by ditching pitching for good.

When you take a “sales-y” approach to sales, customers instinctively distance themselves not only from you, but from your message as well. It doesn’t matter how good your product is, or how much it will help them. If you come on too strong, the walls will go up and – let me tell you from experience my friend – they won’t come back down anytime soon.

So how can you make the sale if you take pitching out of the equation? The answer is simple. All you have to do is demonstrate your knowledge, and you’ll never feel like you’re pitching again. It’s a little secret I call “Pitching vs. Selling” and I’m happy to share how this subtle shift in the way you deliver your message can make all the difference for customers, and for the success of your business, too.

Now, you may be contemplating the difference between pitching versus selling, so let me explain the nuances here. In order to get customers to say “yes” to your product or service (and feel good about it!), you need to connect with them on a personal level. Don’t send them running in the opposite direction by defaulting to that uncomfortable sales pitch you’ve committed to memory. Instead, start a conversation about how your product or service will impact their lives in a positive way. You’ve done the research so you’re the expert now. It’s time to share your knowledge and let the conversation shift to the outcomes of their investment if they choose to buy your particular product or service. Don’t rattle-off a laundry list of features, bonuses or savings – that’s pitching. Instead, focus on how your product or service will add value to the customer’s life. Make the sale by educating customers versus cramming canned sales-speak down their throats.

When you embrace this concept and whole-heartedly share your knowledge for the purpose of serving others, then you’ll never feel like the proverbial salesperson again. Here are a few quick, easy and effective ways to get started along this path:

• Engage customers in one-on-one conversations to find out what they need and offer solutions;
• Show them how your product or service works;
• Send emails with information that will help customers understand how your product or service will enhance their quality of life;
• Create videos to share your knowledge in an innovative and engaging way;
• Make presentations or schedule speaking engagements to demonstrate your expertise and grow name recognition for both yourself and your brand.

Now you’re selling, not pitching. It’s a value-for-value exchange that everyone can feel good about!

Just because you’re dancing with the right clients on paper doesn’t mean you’re perfectly matched or more importantly, going to experience a long-term profitable business relationship. Say you’re a yoga instructor for example, and you just can’t get that energetic woman in her 30s to sit still long enough for your breathing-centric yoga lesson after she drops her kids off at soccer practice. She fits the demographic profile of your ideal client, so why are her knees bouncing up-and-down when she’s supposed to be serenely sitting yoga-cross-legged on her mat with her hands clasped in prayer?

The answer is so simple you may overlook it at first. It’s not that this woman doesn’t fit your profile, or isn’t badly in need of a little relaxation. It’s just that she’s not in step or aligned with the value of what you have to offer. No hard feelings, just not a good fit.

Defining your target market may start with the basics – age, income, profession, ethnicity etcetera – but the key to attracting your ideal client is more about behavior and beliefs. It’s where the power of Relationship Marketing can fill the gap and connect people to your message so that they are sure to understand and value what you have to offer.

Really getting to know your clients takes more than a generic customer survey. It takes meaningful conversations that build authentic connections in order to form lasting relationships that will increase ROI over the long-term. It takes dedication to understanding your own value equation, and then aligning yourself with clients who share your values, goals and business beliefs. If you don’t know who you are marketing to at the core, then you’re not going to attract droves of ideal clients who appreciate and value what you have to offer.

The point is that when you are marketing to everyone, you are marketing to no one, and your clients will not only see that, they will feel it in your business and be confused by it, too. The danger in this situation is that a confused mind usually turns away and that means you’re likely to miss out on an otherwise ideal customer relationship.

It’s a delicate balance between getting overly personal with your clients and setting the right tone that will attract more of Ideals than Non-Ideals. But once you begin to identify how your own values are ingrained within your business, you can begin to attract like-minded clients and customers who will stick with you and tell their friends about you, too. It adds up to a sustainable, growing business with happy customers. And in my book, that’s a pretty darn good business model.

Business is more about connecting at the core then it is about any product or service. So with this understanding in mind, stay true to your mission by focusing on whom you can best serve, and watch your business grow more successfully and happily when you do.

You’ll spend the next week advertising your “don’t miss ‘em” deals while chances for connecting with customers slip by.  Maybe you’ll be so focused on pummeling the competition that you’ll send one of your employees to scope out Day 1 of the Three Day Sale at Rival Store, just to see if you’ve overlooked anything in your own pre-sale planning.  You’ll get a full report on limited edition reusable bags, a face painting station for kids, and customers strolling around with complimentary bags of popcorn – freshly popped in one of those old-timey popcorn machines – in their hot-buttered hands.

So, what do you do next?  If you’re overly obsessed with your competition, you’ll place a rush-order for limited edition reusable bags, offer your teenage niece fifty bucks to paint faces, and spend your afternoon surfing the Internet to find out where you can rent one of those darn old-timey popcorn machines.  You may even take things a step further by posting your competitor’s ad out front with a sign saying you’ll beat their prices, guaranteed.  “Why shop at Rival Store when you can find everything you need right here at Our Place?  We have a bigger selection, more knowledgeable staff, and lower prices.  So don’t waste your time at Rival Store.  Stop by Our Place on Sunday for the best deals in town, and the best popcorn, too!”

I hate to say it my friend, but all that effort chasing your competition will not pay dividends down the road.  You may increase your sales on that one particular day, but you could end up driving traffic to your competitor’s store as well, since value shoppers love a bargain and will likely hit both stores to see who’s really offering the best deals in town.  And guess what?  You may lose, and then all that time you put into one-upping the competition will have been for nothing – especially if you were so busy during your One Day Sale that you didn’t have time to talk to your customers.

Now, thankfully, there’s a way we can channel our animal instincts for competition by rising to the top of the food chain in a healthier, more productive way.  The first step is to stop thinking small because when you think small, you act small.  If your marketing strategy hinges on steamrolling over the competition, I’m tossing you a red flag with your name on it.  Don’t be a poor sport!  You’re actually doing yourself and your business a disservice by thinking negative instead of positive.  Focus your attention inward rather than outward by getting out your journal and jotting down all the things you do well.  What makes you stand out among your peers?  How are you adding value to others through your work?  And what, if anything, do you actually like about your competition?  What does Rival Store do well, and how can you set yourself apart in a way that compliments rather than crushes the competition?  By the time you’re done with this exercise, you should be able to begin defining your competitive advantage and start crafting a marketing strategy based on what you do well – not what your competition does not-so-well.

The second thing I’d like you to focus on is your industry.  Keep tabs on what your competitors are doing, but don’t jump on their marketing bandwagons.  Instead, study trends within your industry as a whole.  What objections, frustrations or needs do you see?  Make a list of these trends and then allow yourself time to analyze, think and dream.  Maybe you need to leave the office in order to find your happy place, but wherever it is, find that place and don’t leave until you come up with an idea that addresses at least one of the items on your list.  Sometimes, true innovation occurs when you get back inside the box and figure out what’s not working.  If you can help solve an industry-wide problem at the local level, you’ll stand out as an expert in the crowd.  In this way, you’ll set yourself apart by adding value to your business and to your colleagues’ businesses, too.  Savvy consumers will take notice and start spreading the word, and that my friend is worth far more for your business in the long run than 25% off your entire selection of indoor paint for one day only.

With this one-two punch, you can stop obsessing about your competitors and start seeing them for who they really are: your colleagues.   Every community has similar businesses, so imagine what would happen if we all stopped competing and started connecting instead?  We’d be able to better define our niches, position ourselves as industry experts, and then share the wealth because no matter how hard we try, none of us will ever capture 100% of any market.  Our messages, products and services resonate differently with each and every potential client or customer.  They get to choose where they spend their hard-earned money, so let them choose based on what Our Place has to offer instead of trying to copy Rival Store’s strategy at a better price.

Stick to what you do well and see how brightly you shine.  And then shed some light on a colleague’s business when you find yourself faced with a customer who would be better served somewhere else.  Perhaps Rival Store specializes in remodeling projects while your business is better suited for new construction.  When you start paying it forward through referrals and recommendations, it’ll come full circle as your colleagues start doing the same for you.  But it’s up to you to lead by example.  Help your colleagues understand and embrace the power of Relationship Marketing by showing them how it works to your advantage and theirs, too.

Here are a few examples of local businesses that are putting their competitive advantage to good use through Relationship Marketing:

• Pitt Stop Lube & Oil – They’ve figured out how to make women feel welcome in a traditionally male-dominated industry by offering discounted, full-service oil changes for ladies on Tuesdays.  The staff is always super-fast, friendly, and respectful, and I love how they clean my mats and windows as part of the deal.  In fact, it’s their customer service – not the five dollars off my bill – that keeps me coming back.  The discount is just an added bonus!

• Dr. Michael McLaughlin – How many kids enjoy a trip to the orthodontist?  Not many, but the great thing about Dr. McLaughlin is that he’s figured that out.  He’s taken the time to create a fun, open and upbeat environment for kids.  When his patients show him they’re taking good care of their teeth, he rewards them with points redeemable for cool prizes like movie tickets. But the part of the whole experience I like best is that he asks my kids – not me or my husband – to complete a customer satisfaction survey at the end of each visit.  Major props to Dr. McLaughlin from both parents and kids alike!

• MIX Flagstaff – Talk about a business that knows how to stand out from the crowd!  Owner John VanLandingham brings his incredible vision for a new spin on salad to life by sticking to his strengths.  He knows his niche is salad, but he doesn’t serve up your typical restaurant blends.  Instead, his staff of MIX-masters is standing by, ready to whip up your own customized concoction.  You want a spinach salad with extra jalapenos on top of a scoop of cottage cheese?  No problem, MIX won’t judge!  Or, you can choose from a list of inventive signature salads as well.  And if you’re a first-time MIX-er and don’t quite know what to get, ask John for a recommendation.  You can usually find him helping his staff take orders during lunch, or catch him chatting with customers as he makes the rounds between tables.  Now that’s an entrepreneur who gets it!

Are you following me here?  If you’re nodding your head in agreement, then good for you!  Like John VanLandingham, Dr. McLaughlin and Ty at Pitt Stop Lube & Oil, you’ve figured it out.  Pat yourselves on the back and reward yourself with a signature salad at MIX.  But if you’re stewing over the fact that I highlighted one of your competitors instead of you, it’s time to go back to square one and take this message to heart.  Check out my e-course on how to incorporate Relationship Marketing into your business today, and begin embracing your competitor as a colleague.  Watch your business take off when you do, and then tell me about it!  Or if you already have a great tip, story or strategy about working in partnership with colleagues, I want to hear about that, too.  Go to Cindy May Marketing, click on the “blog” tab and share your good news.  You may be reading about yourself sooner than you think.

People consider networking an important step to building business relationships, but exchanging business cards at a luncheon is just the beginning.  Expanding your address book may give you leads, but turning those leads into action requires authentic connections with influential people who share your sense of purpose and can help you achieve your goals.  I recently had a chance to witness the power of authenticity first-hand at a local networking event.  A colleague of mine began chatting with a CEO and as the conversation progressed, they discovered a shared personal passion.  In that instant, something just clicked.  Their tones became more familiar – more inviting – and they continued talking out of interest, not obligation.  Essentially, they connected.

You may be saying, “Well that’s great Cindy, but how do I get real with someone I just met 15 minutes ago?”  It’s simple: when you meet the head of business development at Tip Top Agency at a networking luncheon, ask her a few questions about herself besides what she does for work.  Maybe you’ll discover you both love running and helping the homeless.  Maybe you’ll start talking about how great it would be to organize a charity race for women and children in need.  And a few weeks later, maybe you won’t have to be the one to make that first follow-up phone call.  Maybe she’ll have an opportunity to organize that charity race and she’ll call you for help.  And as you’re sorting bib numbers the week before the race, she’ll remember your interest in working with her agency and invite you in for a meeting – not only because it makes sense for you both strategically, but because you’re already connected.

If your relationships aren’t creating tangible results like this, then it’s time to re-evaluate the quality of your connections.   Are the people on your networking list helping you make connections when you need someone to introduce you to a new market leader or key player? You might know a lot of people but if your relationships aren’t generating outcomes, then you probably have more acquaintances than relationships.  And if that’s the case, it’s time to re-evaluate your process for establishing authentic connections.

Meaningful relationships, deals and partnerships occur when there’s true alignment with your value equation.  So before you begin your next round of networking, ask yourself how you can add value to others, and receive value in return.  Relationship marketing can become a seriously successful part of your business when you act from a place of authenticity, so carry this mindset with you wherever you go and apply this thinking in everything you do.  When you start communicating and connecting with influence to inspire action, I can tell you from experience that you’ll be amazed by the results.  So what are you waiting for? Start connecting!